Venting on Valentine's

I cannot guarantee many things, but one thing that I am certain of, Logan will be pissed at me on or around February 14th every year. My friends always ask, “Troy, how can you live with such a mind-controlling, Valentine’s Day Hitler?” The answer is simple, American women are brainwashed at a young age. Don’t you remember decorating a shoe box, cutting a hole in the top, and getting Care-bear scratch and sniff cards in Mrs. Larsen’s third grade class. Of course, it was basically a ploy by the teacher to get a day off from teaching but little do they know they are manipulating the little girls into thinking Valentines Day is something more than it really should be.

Logan and I actually have a very good Valentines Day relationship and usually will do something big. That’s what she said. Speaking of, any sentence that precedes a that’s what she says line has never been uttered by wife to me in any romantic interlude. So even though Logan and I celebrate this ‘holiday’ I cannot help but feel duped, why do I need a day to show my wife love. That is what the clothes dryer and tiny dishwasher tablets are for, invented by men to make their wives life easier, which I turn, buy for Logan. This made me think, Cupid’s day is a Holiday for her why do I not have a holiday for me so I have thought of a couple days that I will send into the anti-Hallmark to see if they will push to make it a actual holiday.

Wear Lingerie in public only if you are semi attractive looking day. This one is pretty self explanatory, probably should take place in a warm month but I couldn’t also think of some advantages to putting that thing smack in the middle of January. I can think of hundreds of presents you could get and for the people pinching pennies giving nothing leads to wearing nothing and makes the day that much better. Second holiday idea, Retract a Statement Day. This Holiday is more of a coupon idea than anything as it could be any day during the year when you want to retract a bit of untimely word-vomit. Like when you say damn, you are muffin-topping out of them jeans or saying your driving makes me wish I was on death row and my last meal was breast milk. (I want to go out like I came in.-Kenny Powers).

Until at last I realized men already have days they can turn into their holiday, it just needs to be recognized as such. National Championship Day, I was going to say Super Bowl Sunday but being a man is tough I need an all encompassing holiday. Anytime during a pro or college sports championship men get a holiday. Their wives should bring them flowers (beer) and chocolates (beef) and shall refrain from calling a facemask penalty a helmet pull for fear of ruining my holiday. So here’s to NBA finals day coming up I hope Logan makes us a good reservation.

If you were curious Troy is like Cupid.



Wife’s comments: Troy actually is very good at Valentine’s Day…he has never failed to surprise me with something festive like a stuffed animal or a themed dinner. However I would like to mention that I have never really been a fan of this holiday and could let it pass by without much thought. As far as “husband holidays” go…he is one of those husbands that is blessed with many holidays that include:

“I can just leave my clothes on the floor & they magically end up clean & back in my closet day”

“I do not know where we keep the toilet wand day”

“The little hairs that fall all over the sink when I shave float away on their own day”

“Men only eat meat & potatoes for dinner day”

“We only attend events that I approve day”

Shall I continue…..overall I don’t think it’s too much to ask that I get a flipping card or a stuffed animal in February... JUST SAYIN!