Shredding the Slopes

An upcoming ski trip has sent me into a panic. On Thursday eight of us are setting out on the social experiment of our lives. Logan and I have not done much traveling during out short lives together, maybe due to my fear of flying or her fear of saving money, and this will be our first trip based solely around an activity; skiing. I am no Bode Miller but I can hold my own on the slopes, I mean by looking at me you can see I was chiseled out of an aerodynamic slate. Logan on the other hand has the coordination of a cat who been snorting the nip. So what am I suppose to do while she is figuring out which technique she will master first; pizza wedge or French fry.

In 6 years of being together I have learned many things, one being, that there is no such thing as constructive criticism with Logan, from her view the adjective before the word is non-apparent.

The good husband handbook says that I should stay by her-side and ski at her pace but unfortunately my copy of that book is on backorder at Amazon. So as long as no one tells her I will divulge a couple of strategies I am going to implore while on the slopes. I could always use the old adage "I thought you were right behind me in the lift line and when I got in the chair you were not there.", or I could stop to help a fallen child, wave Logan ahead and hope that the child saving takes long enough for her to lose me. The main factor here being is I need the separation to be not just me leaving her, like anything in our marriage if I can be blamed for it I will be.

So what if Logan falls and hurts herself while I am away you ask; two reasons that will never happen, she will not be going fast enough to hurt herself, and two the kid I saved will owe me a favor so I will have him/her help Logan down the slope.

I know what you are saying, “Troy you seem to be bashing on your wife!” She knows this has been a fear of mine since we planned this trip. I have stocked piled Southwest drink coupons and have a Belvedere big bottle meeting me upon arrival which will only be used to calm my frayed nerves. I sat down this morning and had a talk with myself, I know no matter what happens I will play this wrong. If I go off and ski will friends then I will not have helped my wife enough. If I stay with her she will remind me that I am the only one to blame for my lack of fun. Overanalyzing is what I do and all this thought about how to act on the slopes has not allowed me to formulate a plan for what I will do while be at the casino. Luckily we have been to Vegas before and I will just execute the same game-plan on this trip. Without going into to much detail it involves lying, deceit, and giving her a $20 every 30 minutes or so.



If you were wondering this Curtis plans every trip this way.