Where ever, However, Whenever

Most languages have nuances that are unique to only that language. Womanese, as discussed in the last blog is no different. One of the unique qualities of Womanese is that the speaker can answer questions with questions, never give an opinion on anything as well as being able to ask questions where the is no correct answer. The best comparison is that it’s like speaking in riddles.

“Where do you want to go to dinner tonight?” (English)
Womanese answer “Where ever, you pick.”

“What time do you want to go?” (English)
Womanese answer “Whenever.”

“Okay, how about Outback at 7:30?”
Womanese answer, “That doesn’t sound good, and no way will I be ready by then, and how do I look in this dress?”

Here in lies the major conflicts between men and women. Two questions were asked, no answers were given, a decision was made, it was vetoed because obviously you (the man) forgot to read her mind. On top of all of that she ends with a question that has no answer. What the Hell! Why not say up front that you did not want a tasty steak and an awesome blossom, and is it too hard to say I it takes 3 hours to put my face on from right now so a dinner reservation before 9 pm is futile.

Now to tackle the ‘How do I look in this’ conundrum. Keep answers short, never give an answer, but give enough information for her to formulate her own opinion. I have never shared these secrets with anyone but there are couple basic strategies. 1) Talk about an accessory that she does not have on, that way she will prejudge how the dress will look. “Oh, what shoes would you wear with it?” or “I really like that white necklace, would it look good with that dress?” 2) Talk time frames they help women rationalize. “When was the last time you wore that, I can’t remember?” or “If we are out all night talking/cuddling, will you be comfortable in that?” 3) Things to avoid: All variations of good/bad, great/horrible are out, just forget about them, she doesn’t care and you do not have time to argue. Always avoid a, ‘what do you think’ because within 5 seconds that dress is wrinkled on the floor and she is asking you about another option. Lastly, never ever say, “Well what are your other options,” because now the only thing that will be open by the time she is ready is Whataburger.

So after all the work or trying to decipher what she is talking about you no doubted will end up at 10 pm (late by an hour) eating at Souper Salad (Or some other girly restaurant equivalent) waiting to get home so she can tell you, “Thanks for dinner but my head hurts lets go to bed!”

If you were Curious, this Curtis’ wife gets migraines.