Homework Again

It’s never good to have to preface a blog, but I just wanted it noted that I do not hate kids, in fact I like your kids but my favorite thing about them is that they are ‘your’ kids. The April from Hell (or whatever bad place you anti-pray to) continues for the wife and me. You know that saying when it rains it pours, well if this is a shit storm then we are giraffe neck deep in it. Without complaining too much, or delving too deeply into our problems, lets just say faith and booze only can get you so far. Which, leads me to children.

This past week we celebrated a first birthday of a friends child and at some point in the next week will go visit other friends who just had their first little one, and without fail Logan and I will get questions and ribbing about when we are going to have our first little one. I answer that question with a question, “Is there ever a good time to have a kid?” It seems like Logan and I can barely plan a weekend to go to Dallas, how am I suppose to set aside 9 months for her to b & m while I do all household chores and prepare to fight for television control with another set of eyes (P.S. I hate what nickelodeon has become and unless they bring back Doug Funny and Patty Mayonnaise my kids with not be allowed to watch said channel).

I am aware that life does not slow down but logical thinking tells me I will be ready for kids sometime around the time parachute pants are fashionable again and crystal Pepsi returns to store shelves. There also seems to be a lot of added pressure the older you get and the more stable your marriage becomes, especially for the man. I have so much pressure put on me by grandparents to be, mom’s to be, assistant baseball coaches to be, and even by those who will be called aunt so and so even though they are of no blood relation.

This leads to the wife wanting to have a heart to heart to scope out the next years of our life, which by the way did happen this week. I am not sure why you have to set deadlines on this sort of thing, which by the way did happen this week. All I hear is, we have to have kids by thirty or your best years are passing you by. Now I know why they call it a due-date, it’s like a school assignment all over again.

So in a way, I wish that having kids were more like freshman year of college, when there are no cares in the world and anything you did wrong was just because you were ‘adjusting’. I could just tell Logan my Grandma died, to try and get out of it for a while, which is weird because she died 4 times in 2002 also so that I could turn assignments in late. Or since I wasn’t old enough to do something I could just pay someone else to do it for me. I am not sure about how not showering or sleeping for 3 days in a row applies to baby making….wait a minute maybe that is the key after all.

If you were curious, this Curtis is in store for another bender.